One of my greatest joys with my school aged grandies is walking them to school. And not because they're going to be at school all day! We have the best conversations as we wander along, usually hand in hand, and fond farewells at the gate. Conversations about their lives; school; sport; their friends; what they love doing and their ambitions; what they have planned that day, that week and further into the future; and everything in between. It's a joyous time for me getting to know them well, especially when I get one on one time.
Then it's time to wander a bit further, usually with a dog in tow. Today it was Waffle, a gorgeous cuddly little dog who is not so energetic and loves to amble, rolling in the soft grass as we go and greeting people along the way.
Dogs are great for meeting people and cuddly dogs attract mums with small children. Like yesterday. Miss nearly 4 and her little sister had not had close contact with dogs so Waffle obliged, laying on her back and encouraging pats. Miss nearly 4 was delighted and played with Waffle for a while. A gentle play, unlike Waffle's boy at home. He loves rough and tumble. Mum and I had a short chat, as you do dog walking. They were out for a picnic by the lake. A perfect day for it, just before it got stifling hot.
Waffle and I waffled along to the coffee caravan and got an apricot Danish and long black to go. Foolishly really as I had to juggle hot coffee, a sticky bag, my phone and the dog lead. My phone lost and I had to stop my conversation to get us safely across the road. Did I mention it got hot? Trust me to be around for the hottest day in 2 years - 37C meant pool time. After school pick up Frankie and I enjoyed some time cooling off. Night was something else, way too hot to sleep properly and the mosquitos had me slapping the air for a bit. We were all a bit tired this morning!
Reflecting on my time with with family, I really enjoy the close bonds I form with the grandies when I stay with them. Sort of condensed time rather than the slow time when I live nearby. I've only really lived close to my Sydney now Newcastle crew, having day to day contact. That makes a difference. I saw the Brisbane girls, just over an hour away, quite a lot and they came and stayed too. Lockdowns meant long absences and I didn't cope too well with that when they were so close by. My time in New Zealand in 2014-15 was not close to my NZ family so not ideal and I didn't last long there.
This got me thinking about the different models of grandparenting. The stay put ones who are on tap for their family, often still in the family home; the less local ones who come to visit and to help when needed; the very distant ones who build relationships via Skype and FaceTime and when they come to stay; and the ones who don't really see or have time for their grandchildren. I like to think I've been the second and third type with a smattering of number 1, except for the family home. Our family home is the place I've lived for the longest time ever, around 15 years. There was nowhere like that in my childhood. We left our family home when the kids went to the city. We made a new family home for them there for a while, for the time they needed it.
I came back this side of the world, despite other offers, because my kids were having kids. I wanted to be there to support them and get to know these new little people in my life. I came back to NZ and Wellington for a short time then over to Sydney, where I worked for a bit and set up my consultancy, traveling locally and abroad with some interesting projects. A job took me north to the Gold Coast and when that ended, my consultancy kept me there as I worked on various client projects.
I was reading an article this morning where a returned traveler wrote about how people get the travel bug, and there were parts that resonated. Kellie wrote about how the hardest part of traveling was going home. I've found that too. Kellie, I'm assuming, is very much younger than me and I could feel her struggles with returning, and the judgements laid at her door by people who never left. Finding fellow travelling spirits and freedom cup fillers helps, and I did in most places. I still keep in touch with many of them and visit whenever I can.
I loved these pieces from Kellie about not quite fitting in back home, not being able to share 'what’s going on inside of your head. The way your dreams have changed, the way you perceive people differently, the habits you’re happy you lost, the new things that are important to you. You want everyone to recognize this and you want to share and discuss it, but there’s no way to describe the way your spirit evolves when you leave everything you know behind and force yourself to use your brain in a real capacity........This is the hardest part about traveling, and its the very reason why we all run away again.'
For me it's not running away. It's more about forging new adventures and adding value to the systems and people I interact with in my roles. It's about being present and open to adventures, people and places. It's about change and making this work positively for people; about being a good human in a world where others may not be. It's about making stories; taking photos; enjoying interactions and engagement with others from different places; about having different experiences; and hopefully touching the lives of others in positive and empowering ways.
Just a note on running away; well I did run away from home often from the age of two (so I've been told!) and was returned home by people who recognised me. My faithful doll Mary-Loo and I used to leave home when my mum wasn't looking, wander up to the old peoples home and entertain the elderly residents. I do remember, and still enjoy, the taste of peppermints from this time. When the staff found me, I suspect I slipped in unnoticed, I was evicted and off to the local pub I went. It was a very small town, one I revisited a few years ago and it is really small, so everyone knew this wandering child. The staff would sit me up at the bar with a raspberry and lemonade and call my harried mother to come and pick me up. And come she did, sighing. Not a great distance to travel. It was hard to keep me in, my freedom cup usually prevails.
Some grandparents are settled in their homes; some are still working; some are retired and off out seeing the world. We come in all shapes, sizes, ages, dispositions, beliefs and ways of being with our grand children. One thing I know is we love them unconditionally whatever flavor of grandparent we are.
So meandering thoughts today as I sit outside overlooking the pool soaking up the warmth of the day. Must be time for another coffee - maybe a cold one and no Danish this time!
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| A fiery sunset on a stifling evening |
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